Dunces

When a true genius appears, you can know him by this sign: 

that all the dunces are in a confederacy against him.

 — Jonathan Swift

Poor And Applied Philosophy

Cops'R'Tops

I have never seen a situation so dismal that a policeman couldn't make it worse.
 — Brendan Behan

Rabble Rousing

I never desired to please the rabble. 

What pleased them, I did not learn; 

and what I knew was far removed from their understanding.

 — Epicurus

Purgatory

Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins.

 — Mark Twain

Destiny's Child

Parabull

Jesus Loves You

Going Forward

Pastry

It's Not Rocket Science

Good God

Machophilia

Man is an intelligence in servitude to his organs.

 — Aldous Huxley

One Of A Kind

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. 

Just like everyone else.
 — Margaret Mead

Money Puppets

Money is the string with which a sardonic destiny directs the motions of its puppets.

 — William Somerset Maugham

Doping With Hope

A leader is a dealer in hope.

 — Napoleon Bonaparte

The Selfish Egg

A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg.

 — Samuel Butler

Caveat Emptor

Creatorism

Creationism is Bronze Age science.
Creationists are Bronze Age scientists.

Branding: Sharing Corporate Values

Not The Best Model Of A Duck

You Can't Choose Your Relations

It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.
 — H. L. Mencken

Non Cogito Non Sum

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

 — Bertrand Russell

Occam's Eraser

Never ascribe to malice that which can adequately be explained by incompetence.

 — Napoleon Bonaparte

The Lore Of Averages

The average person thinks he isn’t.

 — Larry Lorenzoni

Peerless Pressure

You laugh at me because I am different, 

but I laugh at you because you are all the same.

 — Unknown

It Got Worse

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

— Fred Allen (1894-1956)

Ends And Means

Religion ends and philosophy begins,
just as alchemy ends and chemistry begins,
and astrology ends and astronomy begins.

 — Richard Dawkins

Humbled

Don’t be so humble — you are not that great.
 — Golda Meir

Brevity Is The Soul Of Wit

Life is short.
Make fun of it.

Afterthought

There is an afterlife.
It's called death.