Phlegmish Humour

Walloonphobia: fear of Walloons

Unspeakable

In today’s modern Galaxy there is, of course, very little still held to be unspeakable. Many words and expressions which only a matter of decades ago were considered so distastefully explicit that were they merely to be breathed in public, the perpetrator would be shunned, barred from polite society, and, in extreme cases, shot through the lungs, are now thought to be very healthy and proper, and their use in everyday speech is seen as evidence of a well-adjusted, relaxed, and totally unf [bleep!] ked-up personality.

But though even words like “juju-flop,” “swut,” and “turlingdrome” are now perfectly acceptable in common usage, there is one word that is still beyond the pale. The concept it embodies is so revolting that the publication or broadcast of the word is utterly forbidden in all parts of the galaxy except one - where they don’t know what it means. That word is “Belgium”.

A Poor Second To Belgium

Finland, Finland, Finland
The country where I want to be
Pony trekking or camping
Or just watching TV
Finland, Finland, Finland
It's the country for me

You're so near to Russia
So far from Japan
Quite a long way from Cairo
Lots of miles from Vietnam

Finland, Finland, Finland
The country where I want to be
Eating breakfast or dinner
Or snack lunch in the hall
Finland, Finland, Finland
Finland has it all

You're so sadly neglected
And often ignored
A poor second to Belgium
When going abroad

Finland, Finland, Finland
The country where I quite want to be
Your mountains so lofty
Your treetops so tall
Finland, Finland, Finland
Finland has it all

Finland, Finland, Finland
The country where I quite want to be
Your mountains so lofty
Your treetops so tall
Finland, Finland, Finland
Finland has it all

Finland has it all

Tour de Langue

Huge crowds follow the Tour de France; some of them, of course, have no choice because the roads are closed and they can't go anywhere.
— Phil Liggett

Since he had that tetanus injection he hasn't been able to find his legs.
— Phil Liggett

He was wiped out in sight of the finish.
— Phil Liggett

When they literally hit the wall, they're going to lose some time.
— Phil Liggett

They tried this on the slopes of the Alps and they destroyed themselves — so they need to be careful.
— Phil Liggett

The computer's running around like a very busy machine here today.
— Phil Liggett

There's some serious ravaging going on at the head of the field.
— Paul Sherwen

He would not assassinate his squad unless he thought he had a good chance of winning the race.
— Paul Sherwen

I think that's what they'll do: they'll asphyxiate a lot of guys.
— Paul Sherwen

He was an integral part of assassinating the field.
— Paul Sherwen

These roads are Belgian roads and they're always dangerous.
— Paul Sherwen

If Moreau goes for that, he will be tickling the back end of Chartreau for the King Of The Mountain competition.
— Paul Sherwen

If I were in this leading group, I would feel a little bit of trepidation creeping into my morale.
— Paul Sherwen

You can see a lot of enthusiasm being dished out into the pace–making.
— Paul Sherwen

The first part of this race was inundated by very high temperatures.
— Paul Sherwen

The time trial will smile to his advantage.
— Paul Sherwen

He's eating across this gap.
— Paul Sherwen

France is the centre of Europe.
— Paul Sherwen

We're in the middle of nowhere, we're in the middle of France.
— Paul Sherwen

They have their own form of language in this region, the Gascon language, which is half between Spanish and half between Basque.
— Paul Sherwen

Isn't it amazing how coincidences happen?!
— Paul Sherwen

Isn't fate a funny thing?!
— Paul Sherwen