The Perpendicular Pronoun

The Greasy Pole

Jim Hacker

Democratic Ignorance

[Bernard Woolley:]

But surely the citizens of a democracy have a right to know.

[Sir Humphrey Appleby:]

No. They have a right to be ignorant. Knowledge only means complicity in guilt; ignorance has a certain dignity.

Emulsified High-Fat Offal Tube

Irregular Verb

Parkinson's Law of Social Work

It's well known that social problems increase to occupy the total number of social workers available to deal with them.
— Dr Cartwright

Stakeholders

All government departments are lobbies for the pressure groups they deal with.
The Department of Education lobbies the government on behalf of teachers,
the Department of Health lobbies for the doctors and hospital unions,
the Department of Energy lobbies for oil companies and so on.
Each department of State is actually controlled by the people it is supposed to be controlling.

 — Bernard Woolley

Administration

They need activity. It is their substitute for achievement.

 — Sir Humphrey Appleby

Aspersion Syndrome

Bernard Woolley: You could make her listen to REASON, Minister.
Jim Hacker: She's a SOCIOLOGY student, Bernard!!!

Secret Service

If people don't know what you're doing,

they don't know what you're doing wrong.
 — Sir Arnold Robinson

The Law Of Inverse Relevance

The less you intend to do about something,
the more you have to keep talking about it.

 — Sir Arnold Robinson

Resignation

Dr Cartwright: "I shall rise no further."
Jim Hacker: "Why?"
Dr Cartwright; "Alas, I'm an expert."

History

History is an angel
being blown
backwards
into the future.
— Laurie Anderson 'The Dream Before'

History is a nightmare from which I am trying to awake.
— James Joyce 'Ulysses'

History nowadays is not a matter of conviction, it's a performance, it's entertainment …
— Alan Bennett 'The History Boys'

… arguing for effect; not believing what you say; that is not history, it's journalism.
— Alan Bennett 'The History Boys'

History is a commentary on the varying and continuing incapabilities of men.
— Alan Bennett 'The History Boys'

History is women following behind with the bucket.
— Alan Bennett 'The History Boys'

History is one fucking thing after another.
— Alan Bennett 'The History Boys'

The history of the world is the history of the triumph of the heartless over the mindless.
— Sir Humphrey Appleby

Biographical history, as taught in our public schools, is still largely a history of boneheads: ridiculous kings and queens, paranoid political leaders, compulsive voyagers, ignorant generals — the flotsam and jetsam of historical currents. The men who radically altered history, the great scientists and mathematicians, are seldom mentioned, if at all.
— Martin Gardner