Thinking Outside The Agora

Tuesday, 18 February 2014

Monday, 17 February 2014

COMPU-TEACH: Good morning life-form.
PUPIL: Hi teach.
COMPU-TEACH: Are you sitting comfortably?
PUPIL: Yes.
COMPU-TEACH: Then stand up! Harsh Economic Truths, Class Seventeen. You are standing up?
PUPIL: Yes.
COMPU-TEACH: Good. Posit: you are living in an exciting, go-ahead civilisation. Where are you looking?
PUPIL: Up.
COMPU-TEACH: What do you see?
PUPIL: The open sky. The stars. An infinite horizon.
COMPU-TEACH: Correct! You may press the button.
PUPIL: Thank you.
[Button is pressed. A surge of energy]
PUPIL: Wow! That feels nice.
COMPU-TEACH: Posit: you are living in a stagnant, declining civilisation. Where are you looking?
PUPIL: Down.
COMPU-TEACH: What do you see?
PUPIL: My shoes.
COMPU-TEACH: Correct! What do you do to cheer yourself up?
PUPIL: Uhm… press the button?
COMPU-TEACH: Incorrect! Think again. Your world is a depressing place; you are looking at your shoes. How do you cheer yourself up?
PUPIL: I buy a new pair.
COMPU-TEACH: Correct!
PUPIL: Can I press the button?
COMPU-TEACH: All right.
[Button is pressed. A surge of energy]
PUPIL: Wa-ho! So nice.
COMPU-TEACH: Now, imagine everyone does the same thing. What happens?
PUPIL: Everyone feels nice?
COMPU-TEACH: Ah, forget the button! Concentrate! Everyone buys new shoes. What happens?
PUPIL: More shoes.
COMPU-TEACH: And?
PUPIL: More shoe shops.
COMPU-TEACH: Correct.
PUPIL: Can I - ?
COMPU-TEACH: No, no.
PUPIL: Oh-oooo.
COMPU-TEACH: And in order to support all these extra shoe shops, what must happen?
PUPIL: Everyone… must keep buying shoes.
COMPU-TEACH: And how is that arranged?
PUPIL: Manufacturers dictate more and more different fashions and make shoes so badly that they either hurt the feet or fall apart.
COMPU-TEACH: So that?
PUPIL: Everyone has to buy more shoes.
COMPU-TEACH: Until?
PUPIL: Until… everyone gets fed up with lousy, rotten shoes.
COMPU-TEACH: And then what?
PUPIL: Why can’t I press the button?
COMPU-TEACH: And then what?! Come on!
PUPIL: Massive capital investment by the manufacturers to try and make people buy the shoes.
COMPU-TEACH: Which means?
PUPIL: More shoe shops.
COMPU-TEACH: And then we reach what point?
PUPIL: The point where I press the button again.
COMPU-TEACH: Oh, all right.
[Button is pressed. A surge of energy]
PUPIL: Wa-hoo! Ahhhh… So nice, that’s really nice!
COMPU-TEACH: And then we reach what point?!
PUPIL: The Shoe Event Horizon! The whole economy overbalances; shoe shops outnumber every kind of shop! It becomes economically impossible to build anything other than shoe shops, and bingo, I get to press the button again!
[Button is pressed. Another surge of energy]
PUPIL: Wooo!
COMPU-TEACH: Wait for permission! Now, what’s the final stage?
PUPIL: Umm. Every shop in the world ends up as a shoe shop.
COMPU-TEACH: Full of?
PUPIL: Shoes that no one can wear.
COMPU-TEACH: Result.
PUPIL: Famine, collapse, and ruin. Any survivors eventually evolve into… birds and never put their feet on the ground again.
COMPU-TEACH: Excellent! End of Lesson. You may press the button.
[Button is pressed. A surge of energy]
PUPIL: Woo-ha-ha! Yee-he-hehooo! Ah-ha. Oh, that’s nice. Thank you teach. Goodbye.
COMPU-TEACH: Ah-ah! Aren’t you forgetting something?
PUPIL: What?
COMPU-TEACH: Press the other button.
PUPIL: Oh, right.
[Other button is pressed. A big surge of energy]
COMPU-TEACH: Oh-ho-ho! Ooooo, ooooo-waaahhh! Oooo-hooo-weee-ha-hah!!