Common Ancestor: 800 Million Years Ago

Common Ancestor: 700 Million Years Ago

Common Ancestor: 590 Million Years Ago

Physicality

Before middle age: energy > mass
After middle age: mass > energy

Do It Yourself

On the armchair, a book: “How to relax.”
Beside the bed, a book: “How to get to sleep.”
Next to the window, a book: “How to see what’s in front of you.”
Next to the man seated at the table, a book: “How to be a man.”
On the desk, a book: “How to succeed in life.”
In hell, a book: “How you ended up in hell.”
— Michæl Leunig

Psyclones

Individuals of the same mind.

Homo Geneous

Brian: You're all individuals.
Crowd: YES! WE'RE ALL INDIVIDUALS!
Brian: You're all different.
Crowd: YES. WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT.
Lone Voice: I'm not.
— Monty Python 'The Life Of Brian'

Motion In Poetry

The bottom line?
I sit on mine!

Visual Literacy

Visual Obliviocy

Visual Idiocy

Cowabunga!

Dalek Domestication: Teething Problems

Caption: THE ORDINARY WORKING CLASS HOME OF A MIXED PAKISTANI-CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE. IT IS FRIDAY. WIFE IS LAYING THE TABLE. SHE'S ABOUT 40-ISH. MIXED ALONG THE HOUSE ARE TOUCHES OF ISLAMIC INFLUENCES. A BRASS GOD ON THE MANTELPIECE. A PARROT IN CAGE ON STAND. A STUFFED DOG BY FIREPLACE. A GRANNY IS DOZING BY THE FIRE. THE WIFE HUMS A TUNE. THE DOOR TO THE ROOM EXPLODES, AND THROUGH IT COMES A DALEK WITH TURBAN ON AND A FOLDED UMBRELLA HANGING FROM HIS SIDE. WOMAN DOESN'T TURN ROUND.

Dalek (Pakistani accent): Hel-loh, Dar-ling, I-am-back.
Woman: You are late tonight.
Dalek: The tubes were full of comm-u-ters.
Woman: How did you get on then?
Dalek: I ex-ter-mi-na-ted them.
Woman: Oh, no wonder you're tired.
Dalek: Yes, ex-ter-mi-na-ting is hard work.
Woman: Never mind, I've got a nice cup of curried tea for you. How's Mr Banerjee?
Dalek: I ex-ter-mi-na-ted him too.

DOG IN THE GRATE BARKS 'WOOF, WOOF, WOOF'. DALEK POINTS EXTERMINATOR AT HIM. SHOOTS. DOG EXPLODES.

Dalek: Put him in the cur-ry.

SECOND DOOR TO ROOM EXPLODES. A TWO-THIRD SIZE DALEK WITH SCHOOL CAP ON COMES IN. IT AIMS AT A VASE ON MANTELPIECE. IT EXPLODES.

Woman: Johnny, have you finished your homework?
Boy Dalek: Yes. I de-stroyed it.

HE POINTS EXTERMINATOR AT SLEEPING GRANNY.

Woman: You've exterminated granny!
Dalek: Put her in the cur-ry.
Parrot: Hello, sailor...Hello...

SHOOTS PARROT IN CAGE.

Dalek: Put him in the cur-ry.
Woman (to camera): Now you know what's wrong with this country.

ANOTHER EXPLOSION AS TV SET OR SOME OBJECT BEHIND HER EXPLODES. AS WE FADE OUT THE TWO DALEKS DESTROY VARIOUS OBJECTS: CLOCK ON MANTELPIECE, VASES, LAMPSTAND.

— Spike Milligan 'Pakistani Daleks'

Jeunesse Doree

It’s a beautiful world we live in
A sweet romantic place
Beautiful people everywhere
The way they show they care
Makes me want to say
It’s a beautiful world
For you

It’s a wonderful time to be here
It’s nice to be alive
Wonderful people everywhere
The way they comb their hair
Makes me want to say
It’s a wonderful place
For you

…

Trip Tysch Pshaw

Roomates

Timing

I don’t want to die now,
I’ve still got a headache.
I don’t want to go to heaven with a headache,
I’ll be all cross and wouldn’t enjoy it.
— Arthur Dent

In Two Minds

There's no art to find the mind's construction in the face.
— William Shakespeare 'MacBeth'

Self-Defeating Anagram

Flowers In Dewdrops

Gender

In those days, spirits were brave; the stakes were high;
men were real men, women were real women,
and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real
small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri.

Cha Cha Cha

Tea for a ménage à trois.

Infinitely Viewable

I think that films or indeed any art work should be made in a way that they are infinitely viewable; so that you could go back to it time and time again, not necessarily immediately but over a space of time, and see new things in it, or new ways of looking at it.
— Peter Greenaway

Crystal Refraction

Sceptic Blank

How can I tell that the past isn’t a fiction designed to account for the discrepancy between my immediate physical sensations and my state of mind?
— Man In Shack Who Rules The Universe

I only decide about my universe. My universe is what happens to my eyes and ears - anything else is surmise and hearsay: for all I know these people may not exist. You may not exist. I say what it occurs to me to say.
— Man In Shack Who Rules The Universe

But it’s folly to say you know what is happening to other people. Only they know if they exist.
— Man In Shack Who Rules The Universe

Intelligence

It is an important and popular fact that things are not always what they seem. For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he’s achieved so much: the wheel, New York, wars, and so on, whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But, conversely, the dolphins believed that they were more intelligent than man for precisely the same reasons.

David Attenborough Hiding Behind A Tree

Whorf Angling

It is, of course, perfectly natural to assume that everyone else is having a far more exciting time than you. Human beings, for instance, have a phrase which describes this phenomenon: “the other man’s grass is always greener.”

The Sheltinack race of Broopkedren Thirteen had a similar phrase, but since their planet is somewhat eccentric, botanically speaking, the best they could manage was, “the other Sheltinack’s jupleberry shrub is always a more mauvey shade of pinky russet”. And so the expression soon fell into disuse.

And the Sheltinacks had little option but to become terribly happy and contented with their lot - much to the surprise of everyone else in the galaxy, who had not realised that the best way not to be unhappy is not to have a word for it…

The President

The president’s job - and if someone sufficiently vain and stupid is picked he won’t realise this - is not to wield power, but to draw attention away from it.

Who Governs?

The major problem - one of the major problems - for there are several - one of the many major problems with governing people is that of who you get to do it. Or, rather, of who manages to get people to let them do it to them. To summarise: it is a well-known and much lamented fact that those people who most want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. To summarise the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made president should, on no account, be allowed to do the job.

Three Recognisable Phases

The history of every major galactic civilisation has passed through three distinct and recognisable phases: those of survival, inquiry, and sophistication. Otherwise known as the ‘How’, ‘Why’, and ‘Where’ phases. For instance, the first phase is characterised by the question: “How can we eat?” The second by the question: “Why do we eat?” And the third by the question: “Where should we have lunch?”

The history of warfare is similarly subdivided though here the phases are retribution, anticipation, and diplomacy. Thus, retribution: “I’m going to kill you because you killed my brother.” Anticipation: “I’m going to kill you because I killed your brother.” And diplomacy: “I’m going to kill my brother and then kill you on the pretext that your brother did it.”